Sunset

To anyone this is just a picture.  Some may even say a slightly exquisite picture of a sunset.  To me, it means so much more, but I have yet to fully understand even after all this time, what the exact meaning behind it is.

I took this photo shortly after leaving the home of a beautiful, newly married couple, who had sadly just miscarried their 8 week old baby.  Funeral Directors are supposed to have all of the knowledge about death and grief, but there are particular situations when I feel absolutely helpless.  As a mother myself, I couldn't think of anything relatable to say.  Sounds ridiculous right?  You're a mother, you should know what to do, how to act and what to say.

Yes I am a mother, which is why there were hardly any words spoken.  I do not know how to ease the pain of losing a life that was already in the works.  This family had a future together full of plans and full of love.  I was not apart of their plan.  I felt like a black cloud as I walked into their home and carefully collected their miracle; their everything and left.

I keep this photo on my phone as some kind of reminder.  Reminder of how lucky I am every single day to have my sweet beautiful boy.  Reminder to have respect for life...of the blessing it is to live each day.  Reminder of this moment where I was driving back to the funeral home questioning my beliefs; questioning why am I in this profession; questioning the big picture and purpose for everything.

I am still unsure of this exact meaning or why I was compelled to capture this photo but if I had to guess; it was to show in darkness there is still light.

That is what I choose to see.