To the 21 year old me

 

To the 21 year old me-

          I know you’re at a stage in life where you already feel like big changes are coming.  Almost graduated from college and looking to start an internship.  The relationship you’ve had for several years doesn’t seem right anymore and more than ever there is this urgency to start a path on your own.  You’ve been comfortable with life up until now.  Things haven’t always been easy but you’re intelligent, pretty, and have found a way to get by.  At 21 you thought you had already experienced adulthood but my dear, oh the things you will learn.  Your parents and your teachers have protected you from the “real world.”  Those bright and sparkling eyes ready to take on anything to come are going to get a huge wake up call.  It hurts me right now to think that you had no warning, no realization that there are really going to be some difficult obstacles coming your way.  I wish I could tell you to keep that beautiful heart of yours but also, please be aware not every person on this earth has a heart like you.

            I know you think you’ve felt pain but darling you haven’t felt the worst heart break.  I know you think you’ve had to be strong but you have yet to know the strength that exists within you.  I also know you think you have known love, the real deal, but you have yet to learn that love doesn’t ask anything of you.  I know you think you have found Jesus Christ but he will test you and your faith beyond measure.

            Looking back, I wish I could prepare you and nurture you to understand the purpose and the why.  I wish I could give you warnings and the ability to trust in your self.  I wish at 21 years old you knew your worth and you gave yourself as much love as you gave others.

            All of the trials you will go through in the next coming years will only mold you into the woman God intends for you to be.  I’d be lying if I said you won’t want to give up.  You will hit rock bottom and you will face your darkest days.  You will be betrayed, scrutinized, manipulated, abused, deemed unworthy and worst of all; you will be broken.  Emotionally, physically and mentally; you will be completely and utterly broken.  In your brokenness you will discover your true self.  You will rise above and you will pick up all the pieces.  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”-Psalm 34:18

            You will become a mother to the most perfect little boy.  In him you will find the strength to change.  You will make the choice each day to leave behind everything and anyone who doesn’t serve you.  You will let go of the victim mentally because you will look back one day and realize you are not a victim but a survivor.

            You will choose to learn from your past and God’s teachings.  You will no longer feel resentful of the struggle because here you are today.  You will begin to feel so much joy in your heart and appreciate all of the stones that were once thrown; they only made you work harder. 

            So to my 21 year old self, please believe me when I say, you will end up right where you’re supposed to be.  It will not be an easy road, but it will be worth it.  You will overcome all of your fears and self-doubts.  You will change for the better and you will grow into a 27 year old woman who is kind of great.  Oh and she has the same heart as you because that was something she wasn’t ever willing to give up.

 

Love, Me