Humor in Death
Funeral directors are caring, empathetic, organized, superb multitaskers and...humorous? Despite the misconception of people thinking we are dark, dreary and sad 99.9% of the time, we actually have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm speaking for myself but also knowing among other colleagues, we have the ability to make a room fill with laughter.
Seems kind of odd right? How could there be laughter at such a heartbreaking/emotional time? I'm not quite sure how to answer other than saying from personal experience, I gravitate towards humor. It has been a close friend of mine since entering the funeral profession. I'm not saying I memorize a bunch of one line jokes to tell at visitations (although most funeral directors share jokes between other funeral directors when appropriate). There are just times I may say or do things to keep the moment light and when you are dealing with a lot of heaviness most of the time, it's just very much needed.
I can remember awhile back making a post on Facebook and somehow incorporating my weird sense of humor then getting a response that seemed off-put by what I had said. I realize there are times you have to be so careful and delicate in how you communicate with others and what you are saying. After I realized I may have offended someone (indirectly), I wanted to send a message and somewhat explain myself, but how?
What I remember about that day in particular was embalming a very young man who had committed suicide on Valentine's Day. He had a wife and he had children. A good looking gentlemen who you would of never guessed had such a turmoil going on inside of him from the outside looking in. I could not message the person off-put by my post directly and say, "hey, today was kind of rough because....." Being a funeral director, there is actually a lot we can't openly discuss or talk about. Even if I tried to stay as vague as possible, I just don't see it making sense to anyone else, unless you're in it, like I'm in it.
Humor in a way helps me help other people but it also helps me help myself. It's a mask I wear to make really horrible situations seem not so horrible. To continue being able to do what is asked of me. I have to laugh; humor is my shield and in some ways my strength.
I have met so many people over the last several years who used humor during funeral arrangements making a statement jokingly and we look at each other and I knew in my heart it was their way of getting through. Of digging into the dirt and deciding to place one foot forward.
So next time you see me out and ask how I am and I say, "still vertical," (stolen phrase from my step-dad) or you say, "how's work?" and I reply, "pretty dead," don't think for one minute death is only a joke to me. It is not and there is so much going on that I couldn't even begin to explain; but here I am, placing one foot forward and laughing at times along the way because I value being able to.
Seems kind of odd right? How could there be laughter at such a heartbreaking/emotional time? I'm not quite sure how to answer other than saying from personal experience, I gravitate towards humor. It has been a close friend of mine since entering the funeral profession. I'm not saying I memorize a bunch of one line jokes to tell at visitations (although most funeral directors share jokes between other funeral directors when appropriate). There are just times I may say or do things to keep the moment light and when you are dealing with a lot of heaviness most of the time, it's just very much needed.
I can remember awhile back making a post on Facebook and somehow incorporating my weird sense of humor then getting a response that seemed off-put by what I had said. I realize there are times you have to be so careful and delicate in how you communicate with others and what you are saying. After I realized I may have offended someone (indirectly), I wanted to send a message and somewhat explain myself, but how?
What I remember about that day in particular was embalming a very young man who had committed suicide on Valentine's Day. He had a wife and he had children. A good looking gentlemen who you would of never guessed had such a turmoil going on inside of him from the outside looking in. I could not message the person off-put by my post directly and say, "hey, today was kind of rough because....." Being a funeral director, there is actually a lot we can't openly discuss or talk about. Even if I tried to stay as vague as possible, I just don't see it making sense to anyone else, unless you're in it, like I'm in it.
Humor in a way helps me help other people but it also helps me help myself. It's a mask I wear to make really horrible situations seem not so horrible. To continue being able to do what is asked of me. I have to laugh; humor is my shield and in some ways my strength.
I have met so many people over the last several years who used humor during funeral arrangements making a statement jokingly and we look at each other and I knew in my heart it was their way of getting through. Of digging into the dirt and deciding to place one foot forward.
So next time you see me out and ask how I am and I say, "still vertical," (stolen phrase from my step-dad) or you say, "how's work?" and I reply, "pretty dead," don't think for one minute death is only a joke to me. It is not and there is so much going on that I couldn't even begin to explain; but here I am, placing one foot forward and laughing at times along the way because I value being able to.
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